I'm all Christmassed out already. Can we go back to normal life, now, before my toddler becomes permanently unglued from too many missed naps? That'd be awesome, thanks.

Every year, around this time, I get a little cranky. It's not that I don't like Christmas, because I do, I love Christmas, especially on the actual day. It's not that I hate buying presents because I honestly, truly love buying presents. It may be a little bit because of the fact that everyone forgets how to drive their cars, but mostly? Mostly it' ( Read more... )

Every year at this time, my lobby muzak changes from classical/crooner fare to doopy Christmas songs sung by 90s pop stars. I assume this is because of that time that I accidentally had the custom glass people measure the wrong desk and so spent $800 of the firm's money on a glass desktop that we didn't need, since I'm pretty sure my employers ( Read more... )

Okay, you know what? When I think "Christmas Songs" the musical genre that leaps to mind is decidedly not rap. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone on this. In fact, I would be willing to bet that the majority of the free world also does not generally think of rap as a conduit for holiday cheer.

The question, then, is: why?

Singing sustained consonants is a no-no. A big no-no. Don't do it. If a word ending in a consonant happens to fall on a sustained note, you must sing the vowel* preceding said consonant for the duration. Must, I say ( Read more... )

By Royal Proclamation, the following Christmas Carols have been classified as "overused", "overly schmaltzy" or "just plain annoying" by the Empress of Penguins:

All I Want For Christmas is My Two front Teeth
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause
Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
Anything by a Boy Band
ETA: Santa Baby ( ( Read more... )